Hmmmmmmm. I closed out the previous shift with a flabby smock wearing lady with no where to grab. Guess what, I start out the shift with a monstrous 62 y/o female wearing only a smock. Damn! where in the hell do I grab. Rest assured, if they are old , or flabby, they are wearing a smock of some sort. You can see them hang on door knobs, over chairs, everywhere. They are usually a requirement with the aged and obese. I look at this job where 3 scout cars of officers are on scene. They attempted to pick her up , however her leg hurt. Send in the professionals. My first impression is....she looks like Baby Godzilla from the godzilla movies.....She has fat roles in the same manner and her dry drool trails of white look almost like a ventriloquists dummie. I watch closely for a smoke ring, no sign of one, I don't think this is offspring of Godzilla. The size is right, however, different gene pool.Well, we try and try to pick her up, but her arms are flaccid and legs are large dead trees on the forest floor. We roll the tarp and position her on it. ALas, she does not want to go to the hospital. Food remnants everywhere, liter of Smirnoff and packs of smokes, who can blame her. She is winded with a moderate pulsox. She cannot move, there fore she cannot Care for herself and I cannot leave her. I call med control to order her to the hospital against her wishes as I don't want to repeat this later, perhaps at 3 a.m.Her brothers starts yelling and gets stupid...In my partners face. It gets heated, however he capitulates and backs down. Next thing I know with one mighty lift, flab shaking , hoots and hollers my partner in one mighty lift gets her up.We assist with placement on the tarp and trans to the hospital. I like my partner and the police are much better at a lift assist than Fire. Good job one and all.
Our next caller saw us pass by and called 911 as I was picking up dinner, bastard....no delicious Mexican Village for me. He is extremely drunk and belligerent. He is yelling and has a splint on his arm. He is pissed he is out of Vicodin and wants pain relief. He was supposed to go to the doctors and get a cast and surgery a month ago. He is ignorant and my partner bags the run and gives me a break, What a good partner.
From the southwest side to the east side we travel 13 miles to pick up our next patient as EMS always does not have enough units. Our patient is a 2 Y/o with a ear ache just several blocks from the hospital. Easy run, but come on....Must the government do everything for some.
Our next client again is on the east side.She is large, again,Wearing a smock...But hey, she can walk. She is paranoid about dying. All checks out fine.Remnants of her last feeding evident by the pizza box containing 2 crusts, and the rest gone, consumed.During the assessment I just wrote and said, nothing. The lady looked at me and said you look mean and angry.Hmmmmm, Am I projecting? hmmmmmmm I will just keep quiet. Once in the rig I bend down to pickup a piece of equipment. The pt belches loudly, the stench hitting me in the face.I say nothing just look at the patient. It must have been mean as I was pissed this pig belched in my face. I asked her to cover her mouth please if she felt the need to release further gas. She smile and said .....oh that just sneaked up on me. It was loud and Noxious, there was no sneaking on something that robust.
By now we have had numerous jitney rides to the hospital and our final run is that of a drunk lady whooped in the head by her man. Her fashion is incredible.The police are stunned, if I were the fashion police I would giver her a ticket for her mismatched hideously ugly ensemble.I might have smacked my lady for wearing some sh*t like that. Don't get me started with the hair. She does not want to go to the hospital, I sit in the truck as looking at her hurts my eyes. This is our final run, The EMS gods smile upon us,I get several hours of sleep..ATTENTION, ATTENTION: fat outta shape elderly people should not wear smocks. It makes removal of your carcass difficult in an actual emergency .This has been a public service announcement of JB...Living in the Grey.